What do you hope to leave behind for your loved ones? Beyond the financial aspect, how do you hope your legacy will be felt and remembered?
These questions lie at the heart of every estate plan and typically inform discussions about the things you plan to leave behind: homes, savings, heirlooms, and other types of assets. However, the most enduring legacies are often those we pass on in the form of moral guidance, personal values, and life lessons.
Ethical wills (often also called legacy letters, guidance letters, or values statements) have roots in ancient cultures, where wisdom was passed from one generation to the next through spoken and written messages. Now embraced by people of all backgrounds, the ethical will has evolved into a nonlegal document used to pass something more intangible on to loved ones.
Unlike a last will and testament, which directs how your money and property are to be distributed after your death, an ethical will shares your values, beliefs, and hopes. It adds the why to an estate plan, which traditionally focuses only on the what and how.
Ethical wills are as relevant as they have ever been and can help you leave meaning—not just money—as part of your legacy.
What Ethical Wills Are—and Are Not
In a modern sense, an ethical will allows you to leave behind your own set of guiding principles—your personal “shalls” and “shall nots”—which can be just as foundational to your estate plan as your last will and testament.
What an ethical will is:
- A record of your values, beliefs, and intentions—not your property. It captures what has mattered most to you throughout your life and what wisdom you’ve gained through decades of experience.
- A guide for loved ones, offering context for decisions you’ve made in life and in your estate plan. Whether you’re explaining why you’re leaving the family cabin to one child or why you’ve structured a trust in a particular way, an ethical will provides the reasoning behind your choices.
- A thoughtful tool for reflection, helping you articulate what really matters to you and what you hope to pass on beyond material belongings. Many people find that writing an ethical will brings clarity not only to their families but also to themselves.
What an ethical will is not:
- A legally binding document. It cannot distribute property or enforce financial decisions; those remain the roles of a last will and testament or a trust.
- A replacement for formal estate planning. Ethical wills complement, rather than replace, traditional legal tools. You’ll still need your will or trust to handle the practical matters of asset distribution.
- Something to create only at the end of your life. While many people do write them later in life, an ethical will can be created at any age, updated over time, and shared whenever it feels meaningful. Some grandparents create one when their first grandchild is born; others write them during retirement or after a health scare that prompts reflection.
A traditional last will and testament explains who inherits from your estate, what they’ll receive, and when and how they’ll receive it. An ethical will answers the why, capturing the moral and personal meaning behind the legacy you’re leaving.
Your legal documents may specify which family members are to receive your house or savings and include provisions such as trusts for grandchildren with distributions tied to certain ages or milestones. Your ethical will can share the reasoning behind those choices. It can build on conversations and lessons you’ve shared with loved ones during your lifetime, serving as a lasting reflection of your values, experiences, and hopes for the future. Think of it as your own message meant to guide and encourage the people you love long after you’re gone.
What to Include in an Ethical Will
You’re under no legal obligation to create either a last will and testament or an ethical will. In fact, roughly two-thirds of Americans don’t have a will. When asked why, most people say they just “haven’t gotten around to it” or “don’t have enough assets to leave to anyone.”
You may have similar reasons for not creating an ethical will. Or you may be unsure of what to say or how to start. You may believe that you’ve already said what you needed to say during life through your words and actions and feel content trusting that your legacy will be understood.
When deciding whether to create an ethical will, consider engaging in this simple exercise: Ask yourself, if you had one last chance to tell the people you love what truly matters to you and to share the wisdom you’ve gained from decades of choices and experiences, would you want to? What would you say?
Many people are surprised by how much clarity and comfort the process of writing an ethical will brings—not just to their families but also to themselves. What seems optional at first often becomes a worthwhile opportunity to articulate beliefs and intentions that might otherwise go unspoken.
Common themes people include in ethical wills:
- Life lessons and wisdom. What have you learned that you hope your children and grandchildren will understand? Perhaps it’s the value of persistence, the importance of family, or lessons about handling adversity with grace.
- Stories and memories. Share experiences that shaped who you became—stories your grandchildren might not know about your childhood, your career, how you met your spouse, or challenges you overcame.
- Values and beliefs. What principles have guided your life? What do you hope your family will continue to prioritize?
- Expressions of love and gratitude. Tell your loved ones how much they’ve meant to you and what you appreciate about each of them.
- Hopes for the future. Share your dreams for your children, grandchildren, and future generations. What kind of life do you hope they’ll build?
- Explanations of decisions. If you’ve made specific choices in your estate plan that might need context, your ethical will is the place to explain them.
- Forgiveness and healing. If there have been conflicts or regrets, an ethical will can offer a place for reconciliation and peace.
When and How to Create an Ethical Will
There’s no “right time” to create an ethical will. There is, however, limited time to create one if you want it to be well thought out, documented, and presented in a shareable, preservable format. Rather than waiting for a deathbed moment, you may prefer to take your time and ensure that the words come out right.
Distilling a lifetime of experience is no small task. Many find it helpful to write or record their ethical will at turning points—the birth of a child or grandchild, retirement, recovery from illness, or simply during a quiet season of reflection. Like a last will and testament, an ethical will can expand and change as you do. Your perspective at age 40 may differ from your perspective at 70, and that evolution itself becomes part of your legacy.
Ethical wills have evolved over time from oral proclamations to written letters. Today, they can take almost any form that feels authentic to you:
- A handwritten letter or journal – The personal touch of handwriting can be especially powerful for many families
- An audio recording or voice memo – Your voice can be a comfort to loved ones
- A video message – Some people record messages for specific milestones (a grandchild’s wedding, graduation)
- A digital time capsule through a service such as Storyworth or My Life in a Book
- A personal scrapbook – Combining photos, mementos, and written reflections
- An artistic legacy – Such as a poem, song, or curated playlist
- A shared online document that grows with family contributions
There’s also no single correct way to share an ethical will. Some people choose to keep it private until their death, entrusting a copy to their attorney or executor. Others share it during life as part of a family gathering, holiday letter, or milestone celebration so family members can discuss and reflect on it together.
If you store it digitally, it’s worth backing it up in multiple locations or cloud services. If you write it by hand, consider making copies and keeping one with your estate planning documents. You can also use a service like Future Me, which will deliver your digital letter at a predetermined future time.
However you choose to deliver it, your ethical will can become a lasting part of your legacy and may be what your loved ones remember most when everything else fades into the background.
Making Your Wisdom Last
Family heirlooms don’t have to be limited to physical possessions. They can just as powerfully take the form of insights gained from lived experience, preserved and passed down from generation to generation.
If you’ve been thinking about the legacy you want to leave, an ethical will offers a meaningful way to ensure your values, wisdom, and love continue to guide your family for years to come. It’s a gift that costs nothing but means everything—and unlike material possessions, it’s something that can never be lost or diminished, only cherished and shared.
Book Your Introductory Meeting Today
If you’re considering how to integrate an ethical will into your broader estate plan, or if you’d like to discuss other ways to pass on your values and wisdom alongside your assets, we’re here to help.
Meet with our team for 30 minutes to discuss your estate planning, trust administration, or probate needs. We’ll help you understand if we’re the right fit for your situation.
Ready to get started? Call us at (650) 325-8276 or complete our online contact form to schedule your meeting.
