A growing national issue now touches nearly one in four American adults: the caregiving crisis. That means either you’re already feeling the strain of caregiving for an aging parent or relative, or there may come a day when you rely on someone else to step in for you.
More than 60 million Americans act as caregivers to family members with chronic, disabling, or serious health conditions. This largely invisible workforce forms the backbone of long-term care in the United States. Caregiving today often goes far beyond helping with errands or meals. It may also involve physical care, medical coordination, emotional support, day-to-day decision-making, and, more often than people expect, financial oversight.
Most caregivers receive no formal training. Many aren’t fully prepared to shoulder responsibilities that closely resemble—and in many cases, legally are—the duties of a fiduciary. A fiduciary is someone legally authorized to act on your behalf and required to put your interests first.
As people live longer and professional caregiving resources remain limited, family members may feel ethically, practically, and sometimes financially obligated to step into these roles. When plans fail to clearly identify who will act or fail to match those roles to real-world capacity, a second crisis can emerge on top of an already stressful situation.
Whether you’ve already named agents in your planning documents or you simply assume that someone will step in, that choice deserves more scrutiny than familiarity alone. Capability matters as much as willingness. The right question isn’t only “Who loves me?” but “Who can realistically do this, for how long, and with what support?”
Understanding the Caregiving Reality
Three overlapping factors drive the caregiving crisis: Americans are living longer, more older adults require care, and public programs such as Medicaid offer limited access to professional caregivers. As a result, family members increasingly step into these roles regardless of whether they’re ready—and many aren’t.
What frequently begins as a modest commitment can come to resemble a second job. According to the Caregiving in the US 2025 report from AARP and the National Alliance for Caregiving:
- Sixty-three million US adults—almost one in four—provide ongoing care to a relative or friend
- Most care recipients (59 million) are older adults with multiple chronic conditions
- Caregivers spend an average of 27 hours per week providing care; nearly one in four provides 40 hours or more
- Many handle complex medical tasks without formal training
Financial responsibility is equally common. A Merrill Lynch report found that 92% of daily living caregivers are also financial caregivers. As care continues, financial responsibilities tend to increase. After two years, more than half of care recipients require assistance managing all their finances. Yet many caregivers and care recipients never discussed these responsibilities in advance.
The strain is particularly acute for those in the “sandwich generation” who are balancing care for aging parents while raising children and maintaining careers.
Rethinking Your Choice of Agents
Caregivers often become fiduciaries when they manage finances or make medical decisions. The law holds fiduciaries to a high standard of care. If they fail to act in your best interest, they may be personally liable for the harm their decisions cause.
That authority may arise through court involvement, but it’s far more preferable to designate decision-makers in advance through documents such as powers of attorney.
However, naming someone is different from preparing them.
Many people default to familiar choices—spouses, oldest children, or the person who once agreed years ago—without evaluating whether that person is truly positioned to serve now.
Common assumptions include:
- My spouse will handle everything
- My oldest child is the obvious choice
- They agreed to serve in this role years ago, so surely, they can still do so
But real-world capacity matters more than closeness. Emotional steadiness under pressure, geographic proximity, willingness to make hard decisions, organizational skills, and the ability to work with other family members often matter far more than good intentions.
Warning Signs Your Plan May Not Match Reality
Certain red flags often signal a mismatch between the role you’ve assigned and the person you’ve chosen to fulfill that role:
- Someone who lives far away may struggle to respond quickly during medical events or manage ongoing coordination.
- Surprise appointments. If the person you’ve named is unaware of their appointment, it’s a major warning sign that they’re not ready.
- No backups. Life changes. Without named backups (contingents), courts may end up deciding who steps in.
- Work demands, financial stress, children at home, or existing caregiving responsibilities can push even the most well-meaning people past their limits.
- Skill gaps. Comfort with medical decisions, finances, organization, or emotional stress matters hugely and varies widely from person to person.
- No realistic family option. In some situations, every family choice carries tradeoffs that increase conflict or risk.
Even if your first choice is well-suited for the role, practical limits remain important. Do they have the time, proximity, and emotional bandwidth to take on this responsibility? Do they have the support they may need if your care becomes more complex?
These are questions worth asking yourself and then discussing with your estate planning attorney.
Turning Assumptions into Thoughtful Choices
Think of caregiving and decision-making roles as functional positions, not honorary titles. The right structure can help protect not only you but also your chosen agent.
Reassessing your choices after major life events such as divorce, relocation, health changes, or deaths can reveal whether your plan still holds up. One question cuts through the rest: If this person had to act tomorrow, would they be ready?
Choosing agents who have crucial decision-making authority shouldn’t be based on loyalty or solely on the strength of your relationship. A loving agent matters, but so does practicality.
Poor matches can create challenges even with the most carefully drafted documents. Thoughtful choices, revisited over time and supported by attorney guidance, can help your future agents be ready to serve when your moment of need arrives.
The Fiduciary Standard: What Your Agents Face
An 80-year-old widower relied on his adult daughter for help with his daily life and finances for more than a decade under a valid financial power of attorney. After the father’s death, one of his sons—appointed executor of the estate—sued his sister for breach of fiduciary duty. The court ordered the sister to reimburse the estate more than $15,000, plus $35,000 in attorney’s fees.
The issue wasn’t abuse or bad intent. The father was well cared for. Rather, it came down to process. Incomplete records and the failure to keep funds fully separate turned well-meaning decisions into costly legal exposure.
This real case, discussed by the American Bar Association, illustrates what can happen when someone steps into a fiduciary role without fully understanding what it entails.
Executors, trustees, and agents under powers of attorney are all fiduciaries. If they make mistakes, fail to keep proper records, or blur financial boundaries—even unintentionally—the consequences may include personal liability, family conflict, and court involvement.
When Professional Help Makes Sense
In some cases, hiring a professional fiduciary makes more sense than relying solely on family or friends. Even when you choose someone familiar, that person should have access to a professional support team—your attorney, accountant, or financial advisor—to help navigate the technical and legal aspects of the role.
Professional fiduciaries typically charge 1–2% of assets, but those costs are often modest compared with the costs of delays, disputes, litigation, or court intervention.
Another option is compensating family fiduciaries at a similar rate, recognizing the role as the serious responsibility it is.
Preparing Your Chosen Agents
Before finalizing your estate plan, ask yourself these questions about your agents:
- Does this person have the time, organization, and emotional steadiness the role requires?
- Do they know they’ve been named to this role (and what that means)?
- Have I made my expectations clear to them?
- Do they know where my documents, records, and key contacts’ information are located?
- What happens if they can’t or shouldn’t serve when the time comes?
We can help you move beyond discussions to practical actions that include not only naming the right agents but also helping you organize assets and key information in a single location, designing guidance for specific agents, and facilitating walk-through meetings to clarify responsibilities before the role becomes active.
Being a fiduciary is a significant responsibility, but it’s not one that must be faced alone.
Book Your Introductory Meeting Today
If you need help evaluating your current agent choices or want to discuss whether your plan matches today’s realities, we’re here to help.
Meet with our team for 30 minutes to discuss your estate planning, trust administration, or probate needs. We’ll help you understand if we’re the right fit for your situation.
Ready to get started? Call us at (650) 325-8276 or complete our online contact form to schedule your meeting.
